I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize