Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
