Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
