She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
