Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
