Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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