8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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