someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
