Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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