am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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