Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
