well you can't waste a boner
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
