I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
