Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
