you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
