Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
