I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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