you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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