i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
