We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
