You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
