I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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