Welp...herpes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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