cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
