Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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