I didn't shave. On purpose
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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