My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
