I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
