she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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