You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm always down for nudity.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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