The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize