You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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