I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
then he tried to convert me to islam
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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