Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
