i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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