Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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