Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
