Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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