I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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