please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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