Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
