I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
