When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize