you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
please come you make the beer taste better
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
