If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My breasts were aching with rage.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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