he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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