so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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