happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
