so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
