And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
