im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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