My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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