Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he shaved USA in his pubs
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
this hospital has no fireball
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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