How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
