I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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