Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
