he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
