when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
