just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
