I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
