Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
