My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
