Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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