best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
